The not so subtle art of not giving a fk. A look at a book with a similar title by Mark Manson.
It’s hardly believable that Manson had written this eight years ago and it still felt like it had been published just last year. It is a book that had injected itself to our pop culture that quite a number of people would know what it looks like with its loud, orange matte cover, and of course, getting away with an albeit censored swear word in your title is a big deal.
I’ve discussed the ideas of this book with a few people even before I had picked it up, and though they would agree to some level that it’s not the most well-written book, the ideas do make you think and reflect. And for these type of self-help books, in a way they complimented Manson subconsciously. But after having read it, I’m not sure if I can give the same compliment.
The most important criteria of a self-help book is not whether it makes you feel better about yourself, or whether it’s popular, but whether it got you to shift your paradigm and get you out of your arse. Though the latter is more important than the former, this is really up to the reader more than the writer. And the message will work differently for different personalities.
On a personal level, Manson offered nothing new. His message of selecting your fucks carefully echoes the stoic idea of controlling the things within the realm of your control and cutting the noise out. It also reminded me of reading Great CEOs are Lazy by Jim Schleckser, where the CEO can only focus his attention on the problems that matter instead of everything, everywhere all at once.
To summarise Manson’s main ideas under the banner of not giving too much of a hoot:
Not trying. I mean, try. But stop trying so bloody hard to achieve your goal that you forget that the process is more important than the outcome.
Stop trying to be happy all the time. Being utilitarian by maximising pleasure and minimising pain is good and all, but some pain is worthwhile and the avoidance of those pains can result in more unwanted pain later.
Stop thinking you’re special. Unless you’re some prodigy, you’re not all that special, and that’s okay. It’s still possible to have an accomplished and fulfilling life just being a joe. I can buy this as someone who lacks talent for anything.
Stop thinking you’re right all the time. You’re not. Having said that, create your own reality that can balance with others. Being wrong is not a bad thing, and the sooner you admit it, the sooner you can construct better self-imposed realities.
Stop saying yes all the time. Just say no if it don’t feel right.
I don’t have much against Manson’s book, though like I mentioned, I don’t feel it has much to offer on a personal basis. I think I have grown too stubborn, too hard-headed, though I know what I need to change. We’re always going to be works in progress, no matter what self-help books we read.
What I do have an issue with is the tone and the examples he used from his own experiences. It feels like Manson is trying to fit in all his sexual conquests and implicitly referred to his (hopefully former) womanising habits proudly. Like most self-help books written by self-made authors, it reeks of arrogance, but this one perhaps even more so.
But neither Manson nor I give a fuck, subtly or not.
